What you need to know about your newborn's airway...

I am a (card-carrying) member of a massive online community just nutty about slings. We call it 'baby-wearing' with great affection, almost oblivious of the sneers from failblog. Almost.

Apparently, US authorities will soon be issuing a warning about the dangers of 'bag slings' which claimed the lives of two newborns last year. The specific brand in question, currently being sued, is Infantino, the 'Sling-Rider' model. The article released yesterday in anticipation of the warning has a notion of what went horribly wrong with this particular sling to kill these babies, but does not mention this:

Positional Asphyxiation

Which is a shame, because that is exactly what the problem is. It can happen in carseats, bouncy seats, infant swings, strollers, as well as, of course, bag slings. But not just bag slings. I would be remiss, as a babywearing advocate, to dismiss the risk of positional asphyxiation in any of the slings that I use, love, and give as gifts to families near and dear to my heart. If you are wearing a newborn, or love a newborn, please take a look at this excellent handout on safe newborn positioning.

Every newborn is at risk for positional asphyxiation. Did you know? Did they tell you?

"Remember, always support baby's head, and be careful not to let baby's chin fall down her chest -- it could block her airway."

No?

Well, they should have. In NICUs, years before my now five year old was born, it was standard practice to subject babies, prior to release, to 'carseat tests' where they had to maintain their oxygen saturation level in a carseat for a certain period of time. If they couldn't do it, it was deemed unsafe to take them home.

As a legacy of our upright pelvises and oversized noggins, human beings are born with underdeveloped neck muscles. A newborn is helpless, in general, to correct an occlusion of their own airway for the same reason that we're supposed to support their heads -- they can't do it themselves. So they are at risk in any semi-reclined position where their heads can fall forward.

A highly unscientific experiment: where you are sitting, tip your chin down so that it touches your chest, and breathe from your mouth, a few breaths. Now sit back upright, and breathe again. Hear the difference? Newborns don't have the luxury of simply lifting their heads off of their chests, so they might fuss and cry, struggle a bit, start grunting, if they drift off you might hear them snore. You might even think it's cute. If you were measuring their oxygen saturation levels, you would realize that their airways are compromised.

Most babies, born at term, feeding well, growing and thriving, won't die from less than optimal oxygen saturation. Even if it happens a few times, even over the course of a nap or two. But many, many babies can't afford it, and need every bit of oxygen they can get.

The SlingRider from Infantino is under fire (from everyone, at this point) because it is not possible to achieve safe positioning for newborns while using it. It brings together several bad design decisions into a perfect storm of bad positioning. It breaks all the 'rules' of safe wearing, as baby is literally strapped, on his back, between two walls of fabric, hanging (in most cases) too far away from his parent or caregiver to encourage any feedback or contact. Using the SlingRider correctly puts a baby at increased risk of positional asphyxiation. The fact that Infantino had this information in 2006 and did nothing about it is merely hateful. You don't need to stop at the SlingRider. Don't buy anything by Infantino. ^_^

It does terrify me, as an avid babywearer, that someone might see me using a sling, and go out and endanger their precious child in the SlingRider. There's no excuse for it still being on the market, and whatever pain the babywearing community might unfairly incur from this impending official warning, I hope Infantino goes down hard.

If you have a SlingRider, please stop using it. Destroy it before you toss it. Consider donating it to a babywearing advocacy group to use in demonstrations. But please don't give it to a thrift store, or pass it along. If your sling is not a SlingRider, but you are unsure if it is of a similar design and therefore unsafe, please visit this helpful resource. There is a group on Facebook working diligently to get the word out about safe positioning. Please share.

A voice against 'benign neglect...'

I've recently come across this timely article (having just finished, and been rather impressed by, Playful Parenting), and I've been trying to figure out what I object to, precisely, with the synapses left available to me.

Because I agree with much of the premise: I do think that kids benefit from adults being role models, and that kiddie games don't really demonstrate adult behavior, as well finding the WEIRD classification ("Western, Educated, Industrialized, Rich and Democratic") very funny and apt. I think there is a bit of a hole in that adults in WEIRD nations spend a good deal of their own time playing (reading, computer, TV), leaving kids in WEIRD nations to reasonably expect that play to be with them.

But I think, fundamentally, it comes down to a couple of suppositions that I don't agree with:

The article seems to assume that a child's creativity is hampered by an adult's interaction, which I find to be completely untrue in my family.

One of Jeremiah's favorite modes of play is to be the 'storyteller' (with props) and having a slightly interactive audience serves to make his stories more elaborate and engaging (really; who *enjoys* keeping their stories to themselves?). This role can only be satisfactorily performed by an adult or child old enough to be patient and accommodating. A younger child (like his one year old brother) will merely break the set, and a peer will likely want to add to the story or object to her role in a way that hinders the 'creator.'

One might reasonably ask (as I have asked myself, time, and time again): Is it in his best interest to let him be the mastermind of this kind of play, as his future friends will not likely be tolerant of it. Doesn't it set him up to always expect control?

I don't think so. I think letting him have control of his stories helps to satisfy a need that would otherwise have him raging at his brother for knocking over a tower of blocks, or storming off a playground in tears because nobody wanted to listen to the game that he wanted to play. If he has a need for control (which is fairly indisputable to me) giving him directorial authority over his stories seems like the ideal forum, as well as one of the very last of his 'things' that I could reasonably expect him to share.

The second supposition that I object to seems to be: The only need kids alleviate through play (with their parents) is boredom.

It smacks to me of the (erroneous) belief that babies only *need* to nurse for hunger, and that feeding at other times (comfort, to sleep, etc) is optional. And following that model, yes, those times become more 'optional' as babies get older and have more resources available to them, but denying them to a newborn does not eliminate the need for comfort and security, though the baby, unfortunately, may stop asking.

Laurence Cohen (the author of Playful Parenting) suggests that play is how kids communicate (rather than sitting down and chatting or venting over a cup of coffee or a pint of beer). I imagine that if your teenage daughter approached with a grave face and wanted to have a serious conversation, you would find yourself highly available -- a rare opportunity to (re)connect with a child exposed to dangers like drugs and sex.

But there is less time for the five year old son who wants to play with 'guns' again, though he may be struggling with ideas of death or violence that he has been exposed to in passing, but can't possibly understand without some guidance (nor do we *want* him to assemble a version of guidance from Saturday morning cartoons and GTA -- both of these being examples of the highly lauded 'entertaining himself').

The idea that kids only play to escape boredom does not stand up to scrutiny. It creates something of a singularity between toddler and teenage years where kids have no pressing fears or anxieties, accept discipline without question (because they understand it perfectly), associate with their peers without conflict (including bullying), and never come across any information that is beyond their scope to interpret or apply.

If we can accept that a kindergartner might seek to play out a problem rather than request a formal discussion, the same must be true of our first through third graders, who have more resources (TV, movies, books, and peers with equally limited information) available to cobble together half-baked interpretations. By fourth through sixth grade, kids may be transitioning to talk rather than play, but are parents still a valued resource?

I don't suggest that we are obligated to play with our children every moment. I am not some kind of saint to refrains from sticking in a movie so that she can type on her blog, or finds *all* (or even most) of her childrens play highly engaging. I turn Jeremiah down, and beg off regularly, for reasons practical and selfish, without much regret. But I see danger in assuming that denying him play is doing him any kind of a favor.

He learns nothing better in isolation than in company, and I don't want him stop seeking my company out of a fear or expectation of rejection (what parent would?). I begin to work against our relationship when I allow myself to believe that making him play alone is for his own benefit, and relationship is the core of my parenting. Meeting my kids where they are, and accepting that less is not justified or desirable, but sometimes the best I can do. And for now, Jeremiah is at play.

Babywearing to Promote Advanced Sibling Dynamics

I've been away to improve myself as a mother, and I have plenty of material about that (ongoing) journey that I hope to compile into a cohesive post or three at some point.

But now I want to reflect on something distinct enough to do justice to while my boys nosh their mac'n'cheese.

Caleb is 16 months old. Babies tend to be worn less as they get older, because of their size and mobility, because they start playing more independently. While it is well known that welcoming a new baby to the family is eased by the use of a carrier, for practical and emotional considerations, I've not seen it widely encouraged with older babies when sibling rivalry becomes an issue, or to ease a stressed SAHP's burden.

So I'll do it. ^_^

Wearing Caleb probably benefits him the least, of the three of us, but I have identified a few distinct advantages for him:

1) Fewer bonks, 'cause he's more supervised.
2) Periodic organization of him as a baby. While it's perfectly normal for him to want to keep up with Jeremiah, he is four years younger, and Jeremiah is not a parent. More organization never hurts.
3) Connection with me. This, I think, is the weakest benefit, as he still nurses round the clock and sleeps with us. He's a confident, attached baby.
4) Less hostility from Jeremiah (this really is everyone's benefit).

For Jeremiah:

1) Breaks from having to worry about Caleb 'messing' with his stuff = less stress.
2) Breaks from Caleb, so that being able to play with him is a blessing rather than a curse.
3) Less of me trying to put the onus on him to be patient with the "baby." The psychological benefit here goes so deep for all three of us -- less stress for everyone and a much healthier dynamic.

For me:

1) Less conflict.
2) Less checking in to see where Caleb is and what he's climbing now.
3) Reducing my ratio to 1:1. With less scarcity of my 1:1 time (previously only when Caleb napped), I feel less inclined to make it 1:0 time with the application of way too much Backyardigans. Of course, Caleb isn't actually gone when I wear him (no more than he is when he's asleep and I'm constantly reminding his brother to keep the volume down), but I find it be sufficient for the effect.

Wearing Caleb provides a refill to the cups of at least Jeremiah and myself, and I've yet to observe it to empty Caleb's cup, even if he was not initially amenable to the plan. But having a mother and older brother with filled cups can only ultimately service his cup as well. And I do suspect that he enjoys the ride anyway. ^_^

So, yeah. Babywearing big babies for a happier family. Apply 20-30 minutes daily as needed.

Caleb...

...likes to dance.

Hey, I'm gonna start a blog!

(and then neglect it entirely)

The story of my life.

We are slowly healing from our Big Move, and getting a basic running routine to be a daily event. Jeremiah started a blog. It is currently dictated, but hopefully it will be self-written at some point as his fluency continues to develop.

I did not post eloquently about his birthday, which passed quietly on January 3rd. He is a fierce, nimble, bright five year old. At one moment, I am startled by the sudden sophistication of his mind, and reminded, in the next of how very young he is, and how much he needs and struggles to express. He takes karate lessons at a wonderful neighborhood school. He is enthusiastic, active, but seems to have inherited my lack of grace and overabundance of self-consciousness. He is unhurried to pursue his stripes at his own pace.



We are undecided about school. I have thrown around the idea of homeschooling (unschooling, really) for probably four years now, and now that his first school year looms closer, I find myself less certain than ever. I think I mostly feel that it is right to keep him close for another year, at least, but I fear those who feel it would be best for him to get 'practice' at school (and away from Mama) as soon as possible.

I see the value in waiting to let him be socialized until he's old enough to understand the value of being socialized. Chris simply dislikes our school options here, and to that end we are searching a quieter, greener situation north of the MD/PA line.

Infantino SlingRider is (quite literally) a death trap.

Infantino killed another baby.

Consumer Reports blames 'slings' and wants to see some kind of safety regulations in place for them. Given that many wonderful slings are indistinguishable from blankets, scarves, shawls, or table linens, this is useless. They are (unknowingly) advocating against a practice, not a product. You can't regulate what people *do* with what they buy, find, or make.

As an avid babywearer, sling hobbyist, and educator, this is infuriating. Infantino's negligence is being called a 'sling death' not a 'large corporation ignores known problems' death. But they knew, and did nothing. M'Lis's work predicted the death of baby Derrik. My heart goes out to her, as it does to his family.

I find myself in an untenable position, thanks to Infantino. I am not going to stop using slings, which are not a luxury, fad, or accessory to me, but a vital feature of my parenting/lifestyle. And I won't stop answering questions about my slings, or helping others use find them and use them correctly. I am going to trust the centuries of 'testing' that cloth slings have undergone rather than the clearly limited impressions of Consumer Reports.

Slings can be used incorrectly. Some slings are easier to use incorrectly than others. That's the reason that I won't gift a pouch sling to a newborn. It is the easiest type of sling to use poorly, in my experience. Some slings, when used incorrectly, expose babies to increased risk of positional asphyxiation. Infant carseats can also increase this risk. This is why I gently forbid the parents of newborns from using the cradle position, even in an adjustable sling.

Some 'slings,' like the Infantino SlingRider, are impossible to use safely because of their design. There's the rub -- all slings can be used incorrectly, and some slings, when used incorrectly, are more dangerous than others. But a sling that is impossible to use safely should not exist.

It horrifies me that a well-meaning parent, seeing someone like me using a sling, might log on to Amazon, find the SlingRider, and think, "well, that looks even better/easier/cheaper/cooler!" It can kill their baby. And Infantino doesn't seem to care.

My opposing fear is that if Infantino does go down, it will take many well-designed, well-intentioned slings with it. From makers who are passionate about safety.

As unfair as it would be for responsible sling makers lose their livelihoods over Infantino's negligence, it seems a small price in comparison to that paid by Derrik's family. Nothing will return him to their arms, though, and no sacrificial scapegoats can turn back the clock.

Baby Turns One

Today, Caleb fed me the last strawberry from his tray. Not before he sneezed on it, twice. Then he was angry with me for eating his last strawberry. He stacked two blocks, and then carefully put them away and closed the drawer.



He rocks his 80's hair to 90's alternative music, and takes every opportunity possible to beat my laptop into submission. He climbs like a monkey and sings like a small pink elephant.

Last year, at this time, he was doing whatever mysterious thing it is that babies do to terminate their uterine tenancy.



Happy birthday, little(r) man.